From the network that gave the world Date My Mom and Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, comes “I Woo You,” a virtual dating game. Yes, it’s just as abysmal.
The concept behind “I Woo You” is simple: choose an avatar (don’t worry, it doesn’t have to actually look like you) and then choose from a bevy of 60 betties to take out on the “town.”
Don’t get too excited. Before you can actually take your virtual vixen out you must answer some of the 648 compatibility questions to determine if there’s a connection between the two of you that goes beyond the physical. Here you’ll be forced to confront such serious issues as, “Your date wants you to sit through a three hour timeshare sales pitch just to get a free dinner. Worth it?” and “Your date brings over their favorite romantic movie to watch with you and it’s your most hated. What now?” Oiy. Tough. Call.
But it’s all worth it in the end. If the game determines you’re a match, you get to take a photo of the super-fun things you didn’t do such as riding roller coaster rides or going to a movie. Then you can post it to your Facebook wall so all your friends can ogle it and be totally jealous of your super-hott non-date. Or not, you know, because THIS ISN’T REAL.
The best (creepiest?) part: You can pay real money from your non-virtual wallet to take out more attractive avatars or even members of the cast of The Real World or Downtown Girls. I know, it’s a dream come true.
A microscopic part of me can get behind the idea of city folks playing FarmVille so they can “experience” the simple life for a while (but please, stop begging me for virtual chickens for your farm — I don’t have any!). I can even kind of understand those who play Mob Wars because mobsters are just cool (minus that whole organized crime, shooting people and stuffing them in trunks thing). But virtual dating to avoid the cruel, cruel world of taking out a 2D living, breathing person?! (Or worse, virtual dating to escape from an unhappy marriage?!)
I beg you, leave the avatars at home and ask out that hottie on the bus — she actually has a pulse and, you know, a brain. But above all, if you insist on playing this lame game just so you can date that Real World jock you’ve been salivating over all season, dear god, please do not post about it.
Dear MTV, I have just one thing to say to you…NEXT!