Ben Folds finally wrote a song about me. Well, a song with my name in it.
I have been a faithful fan of the Nashville singer-songwriter ever since his Ben Folds Five days, and each time he releases a new album I scan the track listing to see if he has included my name in one of his songs. Yes, I know this sounds narcissistic and creepy. That’s probably because it is. But Ben Folds name-checks so many people in his songs and I think it’s only fair that I get a tune too. Over the years he has written about people named Alice, Kate, Fred, Cathy, Walter, Steven, Judy, Zak, Sara, Annie—even a Kylie.
Claire is such a nice, normal name. It rhymes with so many words (Bear! Stare! Glare! Prayer! The economics of Laissez-Faire!)—definitely more words than Kylie. And yet until now the only songs about Claires are a B52’s number and an old Gilbert O’Sullivan song that I’d prefer didn’t exist. Where was my Ben Folds song?
Years of whining seem to have finally paid off. Folds’ latest album, Lonely Avenue features a song called “Claire’s Ninth,” with lyrics penned by Nick Hornby. When I mentioned to Folds how happy I was to be recognized, he laughed at me. “I do write a lot name songs, I guess,” he said. “I thought I was done with them but then Nick called me up and said, ‘You forgot Claire!’”
Is the song about love? Happiness? How awesome people named Claire are? Not exactly. “Claire’s Ninth” is actually the tragic story of young girl whose birthday is ruined by her bitter, divorced parents.
Whatever. I’ll take it.
(Read TIME’s rull review of Lonely Avenue here)