Friday’s links ring in October with fast Wi-Fi, stupid appliances and operatic court appearances.
Too Smart: Are smartphones ruining all the fun? The latest: they’re killing drunken debates, since you can look anything up to prove someone wrong. (The Atlantic)
Tough Tweeting: The language is decidedly not safe for work, but this satirical Twitter account is a hilariously accurate portrayal of Rahm Emanuel’s probable thought process. (@MayorEmanuel)
Superfluous Supplies: From a cake saw to an egg cuber, check out the dumbest kitchen gadgets ever. (Salon)
Tech Triumph: Does your internet operate at a snail’s pace? Your Wi-Fi is about to get faster, thanks to a new measure by the FCC. (Slate)
Cable Cash: Network television isn’t bringing in the dough it once did. These 25 cable channels, however, are surefire moneymakers. (Daily Beast)
Literary Lingo: The American Book Review has compiled a list of the 100 best first lines from novels. Did they miss anything? (American Book Review)
Good Grief: The Peanuts comic strip turns 60 today. Check out exclusive photos of Charles Schulz and his illustrated friends. (LIFE)
Elsewhere on TIME.com: Don’t get enough viral videos on NewsFeed? Check out the five best web videos of the week.
Must-See: D’Atra Hicks, star of Tyler Perry’s stage show Madea’s Family Reunion, goes Broadway during an episode of Divorce Court. (Best Week Ever)