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Oh Village Voice, with your hipster sensibilities, why do you have to come down so hard on the music that gives so much pleasure to the masses? That being said, can’t wait to read more!
The venerable publication (and they’ll hate being called that) has published its worst 20 tracks of the year and look away now if you’re a fan of, well, pop, rock, hip-hop, R&B, charity, the Beatles and reality television. Apart from that, everything else has totally been given a pass.
(See TIME’s top 10 songs of 2010.)
The “winner” was soft-rock munchkins Train, whose “Hey, Soul Sister” was described thusly: “This warm washcloth of facepalmy puns and cutey-poo pukulele might be why Captain Beefheart died.” Any more for any more? How about, “soul for people who refer to peanut butter and jelly as “soul food.” One more? Sure. “It’s so white, Sarah Palin just named it her running mate for 2012.” Seriously. Ouch.
Runner-up was Bret Michaels for “What I Got” (“I know this song is about love, but your version fills me with a cloud of hatred so powerful that could render the soil infertile, turn icecaps to brackish pools and void the oceans of all but the most ghoulish and unlovable of creatures,” is the charming review). The cast of Glee (who, ironically, covered Train’s winning entry this season) are third with their version of Beck’s “Loser” (“Does turning an ode to being a loser into a duet turn it into a universal celebration of feeling left out, or merely feel like a cheap ploy to get iTunes revenue to as many actors as possible?”)
Fourth spot goes to Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers for “Don’t Pull Me Over” (“Joke scientists haven’t even discovered a word for this.”) and fifth goes to the, some might say, laudable efforts of the Artists for Haiti with “We Are The World 25 For Haiti” (“A version of the song that was half the length and that brought together Wyclef’s Creole contributions and Jennifer Hudson’s exuberant singing with Jackson’s original demo might have not had as many group-Photoshop opportunities, but it at least would have sounded OK.”)
(See TIME’s coverage of the Haiti earthquake.)
Feel free to read on here (unless you happen to be Christina Aguilera, Susan Boyle, Lil Wayne or Ringo Starr, in which case now might be a good time to open the Christmas presents) and if you feel suitably inspired, why not make it your New Year’s resolution to submit a resume to the Voice to write this countdown, or record your own song to end up on their 2011 hit list?