Case of Mass Bird Deaths Solved: It Was The Government, Obviously

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Hundreds of starling (like the birds pictured here) were found dead in Yankton, SD. REUTERS/Hazir Reka

Call it a win for conspiracy theorists everywhere?

As the news of mass animals deaths have been circulating like wildfire the past few weeks (not just birds, but fish and cows too) speculation has been flying as to what could cause such a phenomenon.  Everything from climate change to apocalypse-like warnings have been thrown out there. So when hundreds of starlings began falling dead from the sky in Yankton, SD on Monday it seemed to be just another twist in the mystery of the year.

Except that now this particular case has been solved: the U.S. government poisoned them.

While many fringe theorists might be disappointed about the Yankton case (“you mean the world’s not ending?”), government-conspiracy theorists are likely counting their lucky stars for the supposed confirmation of their theories (“Of course the government’s behind this”).

(More on TIME.com: Are we in a post-fact era?)

A wildlife biologist from the United States Department of Agriculture, Ricky Woods, said that starlings had been causing problems for a Nebraska cattle feedlot so the USDA decided to take care of the problem. With poison. DRC 1339 poison, to be exact.

Woods did say that “[l]ethal means are always a last resort.” But in this case, “it’s what we had to do.”

Will this explanation be enough to satisfy animal rights groups or anyone who’s anti-government, for that matter? NewsFeed suspects no, probably not. (via msnbc.com)

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