How good was the season premiere of The Bachelorette on Monday night? So good!
We’re only one episode in and we can already tell this is going to be such a good season for several reasons. First of all, the producers have clearly found contestants who replicate all of the most dramatic contestants from seasons past. There’s West the Widow (who’s this season’s Emily Maynard, with his good looks, sweet nature and heartbreaking story), Bentley the Player (who’s this season’s Justin Rego with his dubious motives. C’mon, someone has already warned Ashley about his intentions and the show just started) and William the Wonderful (who’s this season’s Chris Lambton aka the all-around perfect guy who’s mourning the loss of a parent).
Then, there’s the drama. Usually the first episode is reserved for introductions and especially drawn out speeches about how everyone’s looking for love and while this episode did have all of that, it also had some Bachelorette firsts.
There was a weird guy, Jeff, who wore a mask all night for some ridiculous reason and still got a rose. There was the liquor distributor, Tim, who got so drunk he started verbally abusing the masked guy and passed out after he slurred his way through a conversation with Ashley. (Ashley commented afterward on how bad she felt for Tim because of his “wasted opportunities.” Ha, ha, good one, Ash.) Tipsy Tim did not get a rose.
And then there’s the already brewing tension between Ashley and bad-boy Bentley–she’s been warned he’s bad (from a friend of his ex-wife, which is suspiciously vague but, oh well) and so far that warning just seems to intrigue Ashley more than anything else. Which we totally get–even science proves women like bad boys. Obviously, Bentley gets a rose.
Of course, like all initial episodes of The Bachelor/The Bachelorette franchise, this one was long and drawn out. Yes, we get that we have to be introduced to a bunch of eligible guys in ways that will help keep them straight throughout the season — because, c’mon, if you go by looks alone it’s just a sea of white teeth and stubbly facial hair — but it’s hardly fair to waste a third of the show on bachelors who are getting the boot in an hour’s time. Here’s hoping you didn’t spend too much time getting to know Anthony, Jon or Frank or any of the other guys who consistently made lame dentist jokes to our dental-student bachelorette, because you’re never seeing these guys again. Such is the nature of the dating show.
Of the 25 guys we met last night, 17 are left. But of course, a lot of those guys are still pretty boring, so here are the five you should be keeping an eye on:
- Jeff the masked guy, if only because he’s odd
- Bentley, because he’s bad news
- William, because he’s definitely going to be around for ages (seriously, final two potential)
- JP, because he’s the best looking
- West, because he’s this season’s Emily. Ignoring him would be foolish.
This recapper’s only big complaint about the premiere? Not nearly enough Chris Harrison.