The Chilean miners and rescuers arrive at the 2010 CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute held at The Shrine Auditorium on November 20, 2010 in Los Angeles, California
Before the world was obsessed with corrupt phone-hacking, we were obsessed with 33 Chilean miners trapped 2,300 feet underground for more than two months.
If you happened to forget about these guys and their inspiring story (and, let’s be honest, who didn’t?), there’s no need to worry or feel guilty. Their story is about to be immortalized in one of the only ways our society knows how to cement big events into people’s consciousnesses: the Hollywood movie!
Reuters reports that the 33 miners have sold their life story rights to producer Mike Medavoy (Shutter Island and Black Swan), who’s planning to get production started this year. They already have a writer tapped to pen the script (Jose Rivera, who wrote The Motorcycle Diaries) but so far no big name stars are attached to the project. Obviously this is a problem: no matter how great the story and script is, the movie isn’t going to get the attention it deserves unless there’s a Brad Pitt or a Tom Cruise-type covered in soot. So NewsFeed is here to help.
(PHOTOS: The Real Chilean Miners)
We’ve culled a list of actors we think would be perfect for some of the more notable roles. Keeping in mind that Hollywood is particularly adept at suspending the laws of reality when it comes to race (Angelina Jolie in A Mighty Heart), age (pretty much any actor playing a high school student) or even gender (Linda Hunt in The Year of Living Dangerously) when filling roles, here’s our attempt at casting the project.
Javier Bardem as Luis Urzúa: Bardem definitely has the talent (and looks!) to carry a movie. And as shift foreman, Urzúa’s command of the group is credited for keeping them alive. Also, we’ve seen No Country For Old Men and we know that when dissent breaks out among the miners, Bardem can pull the face that would scare anyone into listening to what he has to say.
Edward James Olmos as President Sebastián Piñera: The Chilean president will have a small, but mighty and inspirational role and Olmos, of recent Battlestar Gallactica fame, has a paternal air about him.
James Franco as Florencio Ávalos: As the shy assistant foreman, Ávalos was the cameraman who offered the world a glimpse at the miner’s ordeal while they were trapped. Sure, Franco’s an American pretty boy, but he not only has experience playing a trapped videographer (see: a trapped climber in 127 Hours) but also experience adopting roles that seem completely out of the realm of plausibility for him (see: a real-life PhD student at Yale). He could nail it.
(LIST: The Chilean Miners, Runners-Up f0r 2010 Person of the Year)
Jorge Garcia as Mario Sepúlveda: As the host of the miners’ broadcasts, Sepúlveda was the lively joker of the group, so comedian Garcia would be essential at adding the necessary comic relief. Plus, he was on Lost, so he has experience with the whole rescue theme.
Rodrigo de la Serna as Yonni Barrios: As the designated medic of the group, Barrios helped keep the men alive with his nursing knowledge. He also kept the tabloids’ interest in the miners alive when it was revealed that both his wife, Marta Salinas, and his mistress, Susanna Valanzuela, were desperately waiting for him to emerge from the mine. De la Serna, the Argentinian actor whose breakout performance in The Motorcycle Diaries earned him a BAFTA nomination, is a bit younger than Barrios but we think he’s got the chops to play the Lothario. And, just sayin’, he’d look great in miner gear.
Angelina Jolie as Marta Salinas: There’s no doubt that Jolie has the talent to play Salinas, the worried wife who learns of her husband’s betrayal, but mostly we’d just find satisfaction in seeing her play a cuckquean (female cuckold) on the big screen. Team Jen for life!
Paz de la Huerta as Susanna Valanzuela: Barrios’ mistress will, obviously, be played by Boardwalk Empire‘s de la Huerta.
Disagree with our cast? We have a hunch you might. So leave your casting suggestions in the comments below.
Megan Gibson is a reporter at TIME. Find her on Twitter at @MeganJGibson. You can also continue the discussion on TIME’s Facebook page and on Twitter at @TIME.