Immortals
[youtube=http://youtu.be/7VdONYkKFmQ]
Tagline: The Gods Need A Hero
What’s the best way to prepare for Superman? If you’re Henry Cavill (who’ll be starring in the next attempt to reboot the Man of Steel) then you play a buff mortal whom the Greek gods decide should be saving both Olympus and Greece from the nasty King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke), who wants to release those deadly Titans from centuries-long imprisonment. He also comes out with lightening bolts such as, “I have plenty of women. I have plenty of weapons.” Perhaps so, but are you happy?
The reason we don’t write scripts is because we’d want Cavill to persuade Rourke to not get any more work done on his once-buff body, but rather have them tackle Greece’s ever-mounting debt. We’d also suggest a tagline of “You”ll Believe A Man Can Die.” Instead, director Tarsem Singh (The Fall) gets all Sesame Street in the sense that Immortals is brought to you by the letter B (Blood! Beheadings!) and the number 3 (as in D). Along the way, Rourke gets John Hurt to chew up the CGI scenery and Cavill gets Frieda Pinto as the love interest. The only thing that sounds more depressing is the real-life action actually taking place in Greece.
PHOTOS: The Rise, Fall and Rise Again of Mickey Rourke
NewsFeed’s Flicks Pick: By a process of elimination, we have to go with J. Edgar. He’d have been proud of the way we examined the evidence to reach this conclusion.