UC Davis Pepper Spray Racks up Fiery Amazon Product Reviews

So much for not shooting the messenger

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The pepper spray seen ’round the Internet can be yours for a cool $73.92 from Amazon. Just be sure to read the product reviews before purchasing.

Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray has garnered some stinging (pun intended) commentary and 139 five-star reviews. Some of the most inspired Amazon-user jabs at the anti-protester product include:

“Whenever the rabble majority of the population starts to talk about ‘equal rights’ and ‘justice’, I paint them red with this glorious Democracy in a can and then run back to my masters to pant and smile till they scratch me on my head and feed me a treat.” — Mat

“When ever I attend non-violent civil disobedient protests, I prefer the authorities attack using Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, it tastes great and is less filling than other industrial strength sprays, and CERTAINLY doesn’t leave the nasty after taste of Mace.” — Exit Academy

“I work in Times Square, which means hundreds of tourists getting in my way in the morning, during lunch and at night. I have found this product to be very effective in clearing the area around me, so that I can walk at my normal pace, uninterrupted by tourists posing in front of Verizon billboards and piles of horse poop.” — Chris

“The only thing I regret about buying Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray is that I didn’t get more cans of it! It is the absolute best meat seasoner, it does wonders to stews, casseroles, and anything you may want to add a dash of spice and a lot of opression to!” — Feisty Newscaster

At least the Amazon reviewers are making light of a grim situation.

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