According to the Miami New Times, a prison in Miami is plagued by a peculiar problem. Namely, that their prison guards can’t seem to tell the difference between paralegals and strippers. The Miami Federal Detention Center, home to many an incarcerated drug lord, is reportedly overrun by women posing as paralegals who smuggle in contraband and offer lap dances to their high-paying prisoner clients.
One private investigator told the New Times, “Everyone knows about it. We call them the ‘little hoochie mamas’… They are making a mockery out of the prison system here.” What trouble have these faux-legal eagles been getting up to? Just the run-of-the-mill legal stuff, like stripping, smuggling in porn, sneaking in cash, and aiding and abetting the imbibing of alcohol by an inmate.
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How does this keep happening? Through a legal loophole, of course. According to defense attorney Hugo Rodriguez, as quoted in the New Times, “Any lawyer can sign a form and designate a legal assistant. There is no way of verifying it. The process is being abused.” While lady liberty would be shocked by this practice, crafty lawyer Saul Goodman in Breaking Bad would completely understand. In these economic times, what better way to keep your imprisoned clients happy than by designating a stripper as your assistant?
No matter how many hilarious lawyer jokes you know, when strippers are masquerading as paralegals in prisons, it’s hard to beat real life.