Plot: With allegations of abuse plaguing sports programs at Penn State and Syracuse, administrations are keen to put safeguards in place to ensure this doesn’t happen again. And the fictional Central University announced they had conducted an investigation into one of their own, Coach Bert – played by host Steve Buscemi, again typecast as aloof and slightly weird. And the gathered reporters, expecting to hear news of the latest college scandal, were shocked to hear Central found absolutely no evidence that Coach Bert was a predator, despite displaying “all the telltale signs of a sexual predator.” After their very thorough investigation, including computer searches, surveillance teams, and a sting operation, they found that Coach Bert was clean of any illegal actions – though he did have an aversion to washing his hands and produced some terrible music.
Best Quote: “We obtained a warrant to search his computer… what we found instead were eleven completed novels about a character named ‘Bert-Man’ who is really strong and has a million friends.”
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