Does the sound of a crying child give you a stomachache? Grant Central Pizza in Atlanta has a novel, if slightly cold-hearted, solution. They’ve added an addendum to their menu that reads,
“Dear all present and future patrons: GCP is proud of its reputation as a family restaurant, a title that we will work to keep. Unfortunately a number of our diners have posted unpleasant experiences because of crying and unsupervised children. To ensure that all diners have an enjoyable lunch or dinner with us we respectfully ask that parents tend to their crying tots outside.”
That’s right, if your child is wailing, you need to leave the premises. While compliance with the credo is voluntary, the message is clear: crying is unacceptable in restaurants. Grant Central’s co-owner Donnie Parmer told Fox 5 that he doesn’t actually intend to kick offending parents out, saying the notice is just a “polite reminder.” That got us thinking about other conduct that we would like escorted off the premises.
Here are five other behaviors we would like banned from restaurants:
1. Name dropping
If a patron mentions that his second cousin was a roadie for Wayne Newton or that he went to the same high school as Ice T’s hairstylist, he should be relegated to the sidewalk.
Gents, hitting on a table full of women that you don’t know is generally kind of tacky. Unless they’re engaging you, leave the ladies to eat in peace or begone from the dining establishment.
3. Heated political conversations
Nothing is worse for the digestion than someone setting up her soap box and loudly arguing her political viewpoint. Keep it on the streets, and who knows, people might throw money at you in thanks for the show.
4. Cell-phone ringers
When you’re in a restaurant, your phone should be on silent or vibrate so that other diners don’t have to hear your Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom theme song ringtone. It’s only polite.
5. Poor table manners
Eating with your fingers at a fine French restaurant? Dipping your napkin in your water glass to clean up after ribs? Licking your plate? Be gone with you. After all, people are trying to eat.