Cats vs. Dogs: Buzzfeed has crunched the numbers, and it turns out cats are better than dogs on the Internet, recent surge in Corgi pictures notwithstanding. (Buzzfeed)
Cat vs. World: Help find a new home for Meow, the 39-lb. cat. That’s 600 pounds in human terms. (The Daily Wh.at)
Fish vs. Everybody: After an exhaustive 70-year search, scientists have isolated the mysterious mechanism by which fish tell each other they’re hurt. (Mental Floss)
Zach Galifianakis vs. Hollywood: Word is the Hangover comedian is bringing his hilariously awkward faux talk show, ‘Between Two Ferns,’ to Comedy Central. (Flavorwire)
Doug vs. Tupac: TIME’s Doug Aamoth brings you the most insanely important tech news of the week and foresees his untimely demise via conference call. Plus there are holograms. (Techland)
Filmmaker’s Child vs. Inevitable March of Time: Lotte’s dad got her to ham it up on camera every week for her first 12 years of life, then condensed it down to 2mins., 45 seconds of cuteness. Sniff. Excuse us, we have to go call our parents.