Except, you know, they don’t actually grow them. Not for competitive purposes, at least. No, they musn’t treat the growing of facial follicles as anything other than a pastime best complemented by extended hours of cigarette-rolling and bike-riding (but fixed gears only!). The make-your-own-ironic-Hipster-mustache competition, pictured here, is much better suited for Olympic games. This guy would know — he looks to be the Nadia Comaneci of mustache creations. Construction paper on, comrade.