The Expendables 2
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Can you imagine if a bomb had gone off during the shoot of The Expendables 2, and rid the world of – take a deep breath – Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris? To say that there would be a year of global mourning would be an understatement.
Thankfully, apart from some bruises and (one imagines) some bruised egos, no action heroes were injured in the making of this follow up to the rather successful original with Simon West (Con Air) taking over directing duties from Stallone. But don’t be fooled into thinking that Sly is just showing up for the paycheck: he wrote the script for the sequel (don’t forget, he was nominated for an Oscar for writing Rocky).
The plot this time around is far simpler. After being assembled by Willis’ Mr. Church, the motley crew of “expendables” is tasked with what seems like an easy job – get a kidnapped Chinese billionaire out of Nepal – but naturally things don’t go according to plan. Loved ones will be lost and revenge shall be sought. Twas ever thus.
But if you think that The Expendables 2 is in for a kicking from the critics, you’d be wrong (and not just because they wouldn’t want to upset them). Sure, Empire‘s conclusion that the film is “a morass of dodgy plotting, indifferent brutality and limp character-work” takes no prisoners, but Variety feels that while it’s “redundant, bombastic and cheekily self-aware” The Expendables 2 “is also savvy enough to supply its own auto-critique.” And The Hollywood Reporter positively falls over itself, noting that the movie is “taut, humorous and attractively packaged… both fleet footed and engaging enough to captivate audiences with more than just nonstop action.” Decent reviews, the prospect of healthy box office and the return of Arnie to the big screen after his foray into politics surely means that a threequel is all but assured. These expendables are more like The Dependables.
MORE: Nicolas Cage, Harrison Ford in The Expendables 3?
Cosmopolis
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It’s been suggested that the reasons the bad press received so far by Cosmopolis are twofold: a great author (Don DeLillo) wrote a subpar book, and a great director (David Cronenberg) was unable to save it from becoming a similarly subpar film.
Audiences will be the ultimate judge but it did seem like an unlikely journey from page to screen. Cosmopolis takes place almost entirely in the back of a limousine, as Eric Packer (Robert Pattinson), a young hedge fund billionaire, is on the verge of losing everything he’s worked so hard for while being chauffeured across midtown Manhattan on his way to get a haircut. We know that New York traffic can be unforgiving but that’s just ridiculous.
And just ridiculous is how some view this Cronenberg/DeLillo collaboration. “You wonder what Twilight fans will think when they see Cosmopolis,” posits TIME’s Richard Corliss before answering his own question. “Actually, they won’t. The word will get out.” The Financial Times is no less forgiving: “By the time we reach [Packer’s] potential assassin we want to say, ‘Kill me. Please. Anything. Just put an end this cerebro-sensory inanition.’” And the Guardian is clearly feeling let down: “You don’t go to a Cronenberg movie for comedy, but rather for something exciting, exotic, daring and precise: really, none of those things is present in this agonisingly self-conscious and meagre piece of work.”
LIST: Cronenberg’s The Fly in TIME’s Top 25 Horror Movies
NewsFeed’s Flicks Pick: It’s mindless but it sure sounds like fun: and for that reason alone, we’ll take The Expendables 2 over Cosmopolis.