With the scandal surrounding former CIA Director David Petraeus in the spotlight all week, it was inevitable that “Weekend Update” host Seth Meyers would dedicate a solid portion of the segment to the saga. He started by rattling off the winners and losers in the seamy scandal. These few minutes were irreverent, punchy and among the episode’s finest fare. Key winners included General John Allen (because although he may lose his job, at least his job is in Afghanistan). Losers included Jill Kelley (because her descriptors — like “Tampa socialite” — sound like 1920s slang for “prostitute”) and people trying to have affairs in the digital age (because if the head of the CIA can’t get away with it, neither can you).
But who’s the biggest loser, according to Meyers? Florida. “Of course, you’re involved, Florida! Of course you are,” Meyers says. “Anytime there’s a news story about someone’s sordid behavior or bad judgment, it’s just a matter of time before your name comes up. Sex scandals are like Jewish New Yorkers — eventually they all make their way to Florida.”