Last week, the hosts of Fox News’ morning talk show Fox & Friends interviewed Santa Claus to address the ongoing problem of the “War on Christmas.” Not the real Saint Nick, of course, but a rather prolific Santa impersonator named Sal Lizard, who has even penned a book about the true meaning of Christmas. In full Santa regalia, Lizard explained that our collective cultural shift toward saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” is basically ruining everything.
But while he may have the beard and the bowl-full-of-jelly belly, it seems that Lizard is anything but pure as the driven snow. The bloggers over at Douchechillz decided to do a background check on the jolly old elf and found some YouTube videos suggesting that this rosy-cheeked Santa is actually kind of a ho-ho-horny old man. The bloggers cobbled together a new video, seen above, that combines clips of Lizard’s Fox interview with some of his previous appearances, in which we learn that the Santa impersonator is also a self-proclaimed “actor, stand-up comic and a pleaser of women.”
Some of Lizard’s seemingly innocuous comments on Fox & Friends — such as “I like to think I’m a Santa for boys and girls of all ages” — take on an infinitely creepier meaning now that we know he has also said things like, “When you’re an old man, you appreciate young girls, if you know what I mean” and “If any of you gals out there want to sit on my lap, I’ll be there for you.”
Oh, Sal Lizard fans can also buy this t-shirt on his website. Merry Christmas!