Reading While Eating for Feb. 13: Water-Gate Steals the Show

In today's must-read links for your lunch break: Marco Rubio dry-mouths the GOP version of the State of the Union and Obama's policy ambitions are better in GIFs.

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KEVIN LAMARQUE / REUTERS

U.S. Vice President Joe Biden (L) gives a thumbs up as President Barack Obama shakes hands with House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) prior to delivering his State of the Union Speech on Capitol Hill in Washington, February 12, 2013.

The After-Party Is Always Better: In this case it was the Republican response to the State of the Union, delivered by Sen. Marco Rubio immediately after Obama’s address. And instead of vodka shots, we got the now-viral water lunge! At least Rubio can laugh at himself. (BuzzFeed)

The Big Questions: WAIT, was Rubio’s Poland Spring bottle past its expiration date? Why do water bottles even have expiration dates? Forget universal preschool! These are the issues Congress should tackle. (mental_floss)

We Know You Were Watching Dance Moms Instead: Missed last night’s State of the Union? You can spend an hour catching up, or you can do what most Americans do (okay, the ones who weren’t tuned in to Lifetime) and scan the highlights in GIFs instead.  (New York Magazine)

But If You Really Want To Know: Don’t panic, because the state of the union is Strong. The rest is just details. (The Onion)

God Is Not Pleased: Lightning struck St. Peter’s Basilica Monday, the same day Pope Benedict announced his resignation. Conspiracy theorists, rejoice! (TIME.com)

God Is Really Not Pleased: America’s Next Top Model might be in cycle 47 (numbers approximate), but The Vatican’s Next Top Pope is gearing up for a dramatic series premiere. (The Daily What)

Speaking of Pleased, Hopefully Your Significant Other Will Be: But not if you take Valentine’s Day dating advice from these movies. (Flavorwire)

Odd Couple? Everyone’s still talking about Sunday’s episode of Girls, which means you should read the smartest take we’ve seen on the Lena Dunham/Patrick Wilson coupling. (TIME.com)

In Da Club: This Dubstep-thumping, White House-produced promo for the State of the Union is what we — and, probably, Congress — wishes last night were like. (YouTube via Gawker)

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