Disclaimers and skulls and crossbones decorate this package of “the strongest coffee in the world.” As a former Starbucks barista who basically mainlined espresso shots night and day, I like to think coffee doesn’t affect me. So we’ll see if Death Wish, with its spooky Halloween font and claims that it contains close to 200 percent the caffeine of your average coffee shop drip, has any influence.
10 a.m.: The experiment begins: Wait, I need to use a coffee maker that’s not a Verismo? Do I need to put water in this or something?
10:15 a.m.: Found someone who knows how to use this old school contraption. My editor totally doesn’t mind being called at home, right?
(MORE: Coffee: Drink More, Live Longer?)
10:41 a.m.: Ohhhhh, I wanna dance with somebody! My dance party Spotify playlist is getting some serious traction. And I’m incredibly energized, blowing through tasks while dancing in my swivel chair. I’m sweating a little bit, though. Time for 8 oz. cup number two.
12:13 p.m.: Feeling a little sick. I turned off the Whitney Houston, and now I’m trying to write a short article for the web. It’s hard to focus, though – I keep getting up to pee.
2:04 p.m.: You know that feeling when your eyes have been open for 36 hours straight? That’s what it’s like to stare at my computer screen. I could also nap.
4:10 p.m.: Still tired, but I’m feeling more focused. That might be because I’ve just eaten, though.
Lasting impression: The bigger the serving, the bigger the crash. Isn’t that what they say? Well, maybe not, but it seemed like the 16 oz. of super-concentrated coffee did just that: Much like the coffee, my energy was condensed into a small package – just a few hours. Next time (if there is a next time) I’ll stick to a manageable 8 oz. cup of enhanced-joe.
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