Finally, a Petition to Convert a National Park into ‘Jurassic Park’

In the spirit of wacky White House petitions, it's time to add one for a "National Dinosaur Clone Park" to the list.

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In the spirit of wild White House petitions like the one to begin work on a “fully armed and operational” Death Star by 2016, or the one to change the national anthem to R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)”, it’s time to add one for a “National Dinosaur Clone Park” to the list. No really, an honest-to-goodness Jurassic Park-style refuge starring all your favorite Dinosaurians.

(MORE: Want To Change The National Anthem To R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)”? Sign This Petition)

“As members of the scientific and great-imagination communities, we have been dismayed by the bipartisan failure to create a National Dinosaur Clone Park,” begins the petition, which then argues that one of the country’s national parks should “immediately be fenced off and filled with dinosaur clones.” Except for pterodactyls, that is. “Trust us,” say the petitioners.

Their demands:

1. One national park, open year round, filled with dinosaurs and (optional) wooly mammoths.

2. The creation of cloned dinosaurs, whatever the cost. We know a place that sells amber jewelry, if it helps.

3. A response to our petition from Vice President Joe Biden (no imitations accepted).

But wait, could we actually clone dinosaurs? Isn’t the verdict still out on that? Not that scientists ever seriously thought it was possible, the verdict’s definitely in: scientists in New Zealand pointed out last year (via Nature) that DNA’s half-life is about 521 years, which is better than most expected, but kind of a problem for 65 million-year-old critters. So much for ever laying eyes — much less hands — on your very own pet T-Rex clone.

Still, that’s not stopping this petition from urging the White House to “take a leap into the future…through the past.” And if we could, you know, somehow slip the surly bonds of science and make this happen, what could possibly go wrong? Say the petitioners: “No unforeseen consequences. Just educational fun for the Velociraptor, Tyrannosaurus Rex, and small tourist children.”

Say what you will, it’d probably be a lot cheaper to pull off than building a Death Star, which could sport a price tag of $852 quadrillion or 13,000 times the world’s GDP.

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1 comments
Poplicola
Poplicola

Surely, it would come to pass when a scientist figures out how to produce a dinosaur. We can totally create jobs doing this, you know.