Q&A: New BEARD PAC Supports Only Bearded Candidates (Mustaches Need Not Apply)

You've probably got a lot of questions before you give them your hard-earned cash, right? Well, here are your answers.

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FPG
FPG

A scroll through the super PACs listed on the Federal Election Commission’s website will remind anyone what a weird and wonderful place America is. There is a political action committee called Bears for a Bearable Tomorrow, another for Hall and Oates Fans and even one for Zombies of America. And as of today, Bearded Entrepreneurs for the Advancement of a Responsible Democracy, or BEARD PAC, is officially accepting your donations online. BEARD PAC, as its name would imply, is dedicated exclusively to supporting candidates with facial hair.

NewsFeed, understandably, had a few questions about BEARD PAC (what kinds of beards are we talking about here?  Is BEARD PAC anti-women? Do goatees count?), so we called up co-founder Jonathan Sessions, 30, who runs an IT consulting firm and sits on the school board in Columbia, Mo. (You can view his beard here.) In the fashion of Stephen Colbert, Sessions appears to be on a mission to satirize super PACs–but, much like the founder of Making a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, he’s determined to stay in character.

So why did you start BEARD PAC? 

We feel that individuals with the dedication to maintain and grow a quality beard are the kind of individuals who would show dedication to the job of public service. So it’s our mission to help these bearded candidates from across the political spectrum, in all levels of government, get elected.

Does not having a beard show a lack of dedication?

There are probably some very dedicated, highly qualified individuals that lack facial hair for whatever reason. But we do see that bearded individuals are underrepresented in office.

Does this PAC discriminate against women?

By no means. We actually feel that it’s unfortunate and horribly unrepresentative of our great nation that [there aren't more members of] Congress that are women. We want to see that exponentially rise, and we’re dedicated to supporting women who run for office. But at this time, we are firmly focused on the mission of electing bearded individuals into office. We won’t be using those financial resources to support non-bearded candidates at this time.

Does that mean that, in theory, a bearded lady would be an ideal candidate? 

You know, that might be someone that we, uh, that we, we would have to look at that …

Is there a minimum threshold of growth that you’re looking for in a beard?

We’re actually in the process of forming a beard review committee within our committee that would make decisions when issues of beard quality or longevity are called into question. We’re not necessarily looking for someone who grew a beard just so we would support them. What I will say is that mustaches, soul patches, weekend beards—these are all things that do not meet the requirements of BEARD PAC. Although goatees are considered if on the right candidate.

And what do you say to the unfortunate gentlemen out there who really aren’t able to grow a high quality beard?

There’s always a question of whether you can grow a better beard than another person. Really, the beard quality is truly just the way you wear it.

Are there other qualities besides dedication that you think a beard-wearer inherently has, which you support? 

We are looking for individuals that are looking to cooperate and work toward creating a functional democracy. We have this very large divide down the aisle.  We’re not necessarily making any specific decisions on issues right now.

When you look back through history, there are some controversial bearded individuals. Would you have supported, say, Genghis Khan for public office?

Obviously Genghis Khan is not the kind of candidate that BEARD PAC would be looking to support.

So there is a threshold, that even if a candidate has a fine beard, other negative qualities could outweigh it?

Absolutely.

Do you have fundraising goals?

We don’t have any specific fundraising goals at this time. As we start to approach midterms, we’ll be establishing those plans.

How would you characterize the particular style of your own beard?

It’s a reasonably full beard. It’s rather red. I keep it well-groomed, not overly groomed. I keep it in check.

Are there any politicians currently holding public office that others should look to as a model of beardom?

That’s a good question. We are actually putting together a list. We’re still discussing who we want to come out and endorse publicly. There are obviously well-respected individuals and excellent politicians throughout history who have had beards. Obviously Abraham Lincoln. Benjamin Harrison was the last President that was elected wearing a beard. There have been some folks that had mutton chops and mustaches. I believe Truman wore a beard on vacation.

34 comments
jmac
jmac

I see a conflict of interest between Bears and Beards.  What's Sullivan to do?  

CerebralSmartie
CerebralSmartie

The Citizen United ruling was such a cerebral development, wasn't it?  A BEARD SuperPAC? Let's start a SuperPac for lipstick wearing candidates. Specifically one color of lipstick: Silver City Pink Frost. Yes that is a snappy smart idea.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Is this thread haunted? This is a test. This is only a test. In case of an actual emergency, place your head between your knees and kiss your @ss goodbye.



notsacredh
notsacredh

BI PAC has finally made inroads. They seem to be swinging back and forth in their political activites. They see things they like on both sides of the aisle. They can't seem to get off of the fence.

notsacredh
notsacredh

"Bears for a Bearable Tomorrow"

This made me Lol.  Twinks for Tomorrow is next.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Another PAC that people may want to keep a close eye on is BOOB PAC. It's big and doesn't accept soft donations. Men are also welcome to join and have provided a level of support that may surprise many people. It's a hands-on PAC and is finally getting the notice that they deserve. They've been thrust into the spotlight recently because of accounting irregularities. I thought we could kiss BOOB goodbye, but they seem to have bounced back.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Katy, thank you for making people aware of the PACs that are out there to represent specific interest groups and candidates. We're a diverse country and candidates with beards are working to make all of our voices heard. Many elections involing candidates with beards have won by a razor thin majority. Keep up the good work.

notsacredh
notsacredh

I belong to Bearded Synergy. I have a thick bushy moustache, but when I try to grow a beard, I look like a werewolf with mange. I had tried other political action committees but they didn't provide the level of dedication I was looking for. All they wanted was my money. With BS, I feel that we can change the direction of the country and provide a better tomorrow. BS is an important part of my life and I rely on BS.

ShanonVanElls
ShanonVanElls

Where does the money come from to start an organization such as this? It seems that with the economy the way it is, it is a rather frivolous thing. Bearded politicians... why not use the funding for something real? 

notsacredh
notsacredh

BS doesn't grow beards. They make beards better.

notsacredh
notsacredh

It's finally warming up here. It's supposed to rain 5 out of the next 7 days though

notsacredh
notsacredh

I did notice a curiosity in this thread. The comment by ShanonVanElls says she made it a day ago and the thread has only been up for 6 hours. There may be a crosslink that is causing your problem.

retiredvet
retiredvet

Still SNAFU - This thread is stalled. MMR seems fine.

retiredvet
retiredvet

Yep. I just checked and I have a browser update.

notsacredh
notsacredh

Have you tried Internet Options and clearing everything out?

notsacredh
notsacredh

I do that without even trying. Even my own mother told my wife that she deserves a medal for putting up with me.

retiredvet
retiredvet

And you're not going to even try not to annoy her?

notsacredh
notsacredh

I'm not having any problem here. They're showing up right away.

notsacredh
notsacredh

My wife is more worried about it than I am. She told me last night that she KNEW I was going to drive her crazy by being off for so long.

retiredvet
retiredvet

Slow to post. I'll see if restarting my browser fixes it.

notsacredh
notsacredh

What do you mean? Slow because of it being a weekend?

retiredvet
retiredvet

Be careful. I heard a rumor that you are accident prone.

notsacredh
notsacredh

6-8 weeks. Crutches for a week or so. I'm not the least bit worried about the surgery. It's not being able to do my usual work around the house and in the yard that concerns me. I'm hoping to at least be able to use the tractor to keep the yard looking halfway decent.

retiredvet
retiredvet

Looks like they threw some cold water on LiveFyre.

retiredvet
retiredvet

What's the estimate on recovery after surgery?

notsacredh
notsacredh

Yes. X-rays and MRI. I want to get this stuff over and done with.

retiredvet
retiredvet

That's when you start the knee stuff?

notsacredh
notsacredh

Everything is on hold with me. I can't wait until Wednesday to get the ball rolling.

retiredvet
retiredvet

Still cold and windy here. The yard work is on hold.