Cereal Liars?: Cap’n Crunch and 9 Other Fake Military Titles

  • Share
  • Read Later

The U.S. Navy is now investigating the service record of Cap’n Crunch. From Col. Sanders to Captain Kangaroo, the stories behind some old soldiers.

More Photography from Time

35 comments
whosmattpass
whosmattpass

How much do we spend each year on the military in taxes for them to investigate cereal mascots?

HDL-NYC
HDL-NYC

In the US Navy, the commander of a vessel is referred to as the Captain, regardless of actual rank.  In WWII, Lt. Commanders and Commanders were frequently Captains of submarines, destroyers, and other smaller vessels.  PT Boat Captains were usually Lieutenants.

No need for your comment that the "U.S. Navy is investigating..."

pagebypage.t
pagebypage.t

Good thing Col. Sanders passed away before the military went after him!

AlWallace
AlWallace

In the Navy, the smaller ships (cruisers, destroyers, frigates, etc) are run by Commanders, and are considered & often called Skipper or occasionally Captain. So technically, Crunch is a Captain

pandora.doggle
pandora.doggle

The author has no idea what he's talking about, as Captain Lou Albano was clearly, most certainly best known for playing Super Mario in the Super Mario Bros. Super Show. Do the Mario.

nwgunslinger
nwgunslinger

As others have pointed out "Captain" is a title, not just a rank and any rank can be the captain of a vessel.  I've even see a LT JG as the captain of an RPB.

This is the garbage that we see when people with no concept of military service start commenting on such. As is the case with most journalists, they have no idea what they are writing about most of the time and it usually shows in the news articles published these days.

shadovvolf
shadovvolf like.author.displayName 1 Like

The commanding officer of a naval vessel is referred to as "Captain," even if his rank is not "Captain."  For instance, a navy destroyer or submarine might actually be commanded by a "Lieutenant Commander," "Commander," or a full "Captain."  His crew would still call him "Captain," or maybe "Skipper," if they're so laid back as to allow it.  

Crunch is in command of the Guppy, so he's the Captain of that ship, even though his naval rank is clearly Commander.

GrueMaster
GrueMaster

Isn't he a Captain of his own ship?  Possibly a Merchant Marine?

SuperDave
SuperDave

This is a Major Waste.......of print space.

MikeLand
MikeLand like.author.displayName 1 Like

The biggest and most prolific case of fraud perpetuated on the US public is by Microsoft.  They hired the US military to tap into nearly every computer made after 1985.  It is the biggest case of corporate espionage conducted on the US public in the history of Earth.  I know you have encountered the case yourself as I have a dozen times.  You can't get around it and it even infiltrates Linux and Apple systems.  You know it when it tells you that a man named General Failure has encountered problems reading drive C:.  Who the hell is this General Failure and why the hell does he need to be looking at my drive c: ?

ChristopherHall
ChristopherHall

There are no drill sergeants on Parris Island.  There are drill instructors.  Yes, it matters. 

RickFromTexas
RickFromTexas

If he gets arrested, he better hope he doesn't share a cell with Frankenberry, that guy's nuttier than a fruitcake.

westtenley
westtenley like.author.displayName 1 Like

That he commands a vessel prefixed "SS", (Steamship), shows right away he is not a naval officer.  Naval vessels are prefixed USS (United States Ship).  And longstanding tradition is the vessel's master is called "Captain", regardless of whatever rank or title he would hold otherwise. 

Similarly, in much of the South it was - and perhaps still is - common practice to refer to distinguished citizens by military titles.  Thus, during the Scopes Trial, residents of Dayton were prone to address the lawyers as "Colonel Bryan" and "Captain Darrow."  Bryan may have been otherwise entitled to this because of his Spanish-American War service, but Darrow certainly never claimed a military title.

No liars here.

mitchell.willie
mitchell.willie

As a Kentuckian, I must insist that, when referring to Kentucky Colonels, the word "Colonel" be capitalized. 'Cuz that's how style works.

RobertBuchler
RobertBuchler

Pamela Anderson?? I'm sorry! I thought this article was about fake ti......

CarlaKLedford
CarlaKLedford

OMG! Are you kidding me! This is an absolutely inane article!

JWalk
JWalk like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 6 Like

This whole story is wrong.  Captain Crunch, is a real Captain.  Just because he is a Commander by rank, doesn't mean he can't hold the title of Captain.   When I was in the Navy, the Captain of my submarine was actually a Commander by rank.  He held the title of Captain, though.  Captain Crunch is the real deal.


dep21
dep21

Lighten up cupcakes. It was meant to be a fun story. Hope none of you have kids. Must be a pretty humorless house. 

drself
drself

@dep21 Yeah, but it is not original. I have General Mills as a google news search and I have seen this story at least ten times in the past week.  Mostly by bloggers, I can't believe Time would run with it.

drself
drself like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 4 Like

Maybe instead of dreating stupid stories like this, Time should be reporting on the real news.

And just to clear things up...The person in command of a ship is called Captain, no matter what his rank is.

I can believe this lack of knowledge is big news on different fronts.

drself
drself

@drself dreating?  What was I writing that got corrected to that.  I didn't think my auto correct knew slang. I think I was thinking writing.,

RickFromTexas
RickFromTexas

@drself Who cares, you just made up a word and it sounds like it's a real word, no less.

I call that a win, you just added something new to the english language. Of course, the hard part's going to be figuring out what it means...

jkm
jkm like.author.displayName 1 Like

In his world where people have only 3 fingers instead of 4, maybe 3 stripes is all you need to become captain.

gumshoo
gumshoo

Grape Nuts contains neither grapes, nor nuts.  Anything you buy from a big corporation (unless it's organic) is going to make you sick, one way or another...

epenguin
epenguin

@gumshoo thats a pretty general, and untrue, statement, but it sounded good.

FeloniusScrewtape
FeloniusScrewtape

didn't stephen colbert say virtually the same thing last week ?  including the joke about general mills ?

Denesius
Denesius

Wow- A lead story featuring the recent discovery of the discrepancy between the rank & the uniform of a cartoon character on a box of kids' cereal. I've heard of slow news week, but this is ridiculous! 

cjh2nd
cjh2nd like.author.displayName 1 Like

@Denesius  

the standards on this site are going out the window. so much time and effort dedicated to worthless crap