‘Poopetrator’ Terrorizing Yale Laundry Room

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Beware the poopetrator

The bright young things at Yale chose the Ivy League so they could engage in rigorous intellectual discourse and take challenging courses meant to shape them into highly educated and cultured adults. They did not choose to attend Yale so that someone could poop all over their clothes, but the world works in mysterious ways.

The Yale Daily News reports that an unknown suspect, whom some have named “the poopetrator”, has been terrorizing Yale laundry rooms by surreptitiously pooping in campus dryers and subsequently ruining students’ Polo shirts and pleated khakis. The assailant–or group of assailants–has been leaving gifts in dryers throughout the month of September, an act that has caused so much alarm around the Ivy League campus that something called the “Council of Masters” is investigating whether to change laundry procedure.

Pray for the Yalies, for this is the first bit of suffering they’ve ever endured.

25 comments
BruceEllsworthReed
BruceEllsworthReed

Well, the proof is in the pudding.  Obviously, Ole Miss students are much smarter than Yale students.  NEVER, EVER, leave your laundry unattended, I thought the most ignorant sophomore would know this.  Take a book, or an I-Pad (nowadays), or something to do (homework maybe?  We did!)  It only takes around 1 hr. to do.  Thank God my children didn't go to Yale! *lol*...and ya wonder why MS excels in medicine, arts, technology, space research, polymers, agri-studies, and law...hummm.   C'mon guys, this is a no brainer!  And you need to appoint a Council to figure this out? *facepalm*  I give up on the human race somedays, it must be Monday! *lol*

TheDavid
TheDavid

What's even grosser is these people flashing their victim-hood credentials in response to this article.  How do we even know that the poopertrator isn't a molested-disabled-Rwandan child solider on full scholarship?

BeyondAClosedShutter
BeyondAClosedShutter

Oh man. For both sides of this argument, why get your undies in a wad? If any of you took a second to look at the other articles she's written for Time, you'd get her sense of humor. She doesn't write stories on politics, social-economics, or anything of that nature. She simply finds weird things on the internet, and writes a few paragraphs on them; many topics that will go under the radar in a few weeks. So ya, poop in the laundry - it happens at other Universities and colleges too. Hazing, it happens. Let the trolls be trolls.... 

BrianEarp
BrianEarp

Hello, I went to Yale and was the first of my family to graduate from college. I went on a financial-need scholarship, since my family did not have the money to pay. I met many people from all walks of life at Yale, including a refugee from the Rwandan genocide, whom I tutored in writing. While I thought the first part of your article was funny, the laziness of your stereotyping in the second part is really beneath TIME. 

ThatVAGuy
ThatVAGuy

I think it's amazingly hilarious how offended you "Yalies" got over her article. What better way to prove her ARCHETYPES (because let's face it, your snobbery rings true) than to fire back in a "woe-is-me" internet comment. It would seem to me, as well as anyone else who has read your diatribes, that the wonderful Yale University needs to offer a class or two in humility and not taking yourselves too seriously, and possibly Humor 101. I would hate to see what the response would be to an article written about your precious country clubs too. It's the internet people, simmer down. 

Anonymous22
Anonymous22

Jessica Roy, you represent the most ignorant of our world. People like you are truly disgusting. I am a first generation college student attending Yale on a full scholarship. My father was a drug addict who abandoned me as a child and my mother was an alcoholic who worked three jobs just so we could keep our three-room trailer. I guarantee that I know suffering you never will. You deserve to lose your job and credibility over a piece as insensitive and uneducated as this one. 

I have made many friends at Yale who come from extremely wealthy backgrounds. But you know what, I've learned that wealthy people have problems too. Behind their "Polo shirts and pleated khakis" are humans with just as many insecurities and sad stories as the rest of us. It's a shame you couldn't go to a school like Yale, where the rich and the poor are equalized, so you could learn that too. 

chriscraws
chriscraws

I am not a Yale student. The first paragraph is great. Made me laugh. The rest was a swing and a huge miss. Ms. Roy, you are attempting to use your own ignorance of a campus you clearly have no familiarity with to create humor, and in your ignorance you are spewing out dated and offensive stereotypes and generalizations in an attempt to crack a laugh. Yeah I get it, this is meant to be a light article, it's not meant to be a piece that actually tells you anything at all, because you clearly skimmed a college news article and then wrote your own. God forbid you took the 3 seconds it takes to search "yale council of masters" into google, click the first link, and read the two sentences that would make it obvious why 'something called the council of masters' would be involved in repeated cases of vandalization of student property on campus. I don't think I need to explain why the last sentence didn't even get close to being funny when applied to a community of thousands of students in extremely varying social and financial situations. Some of whom now have to deal with finding money to buy an entirely new wardrobe. That sucks.

andrewyliao
andrewyliao

Yale is an extremely overrated school with a strange cult of personality manufactured by its advertising team. "Hey we're Yale! Our students live in residential colleges and participate in extra-curriculars and do research! Isn't that amazing and special?!"  

Sure schools like WashU and Princeton have rescols....but do they have extra-curriculars?! Oh they do hmm...just take our word for it that Yale is the best then!

It's mired in its past and that's why I rejected it last April :)

anon3456
anon3456

the first bit of suffering they've ever endured? tell that to the Rwandan genocide survivor. Tell that to the kid from the Bronx who's the first in his family to go to college. tell that to the girl's who's mother died before she reached high school, or any of the minorities who experience suffering as a result of society everyday. check your attitude. it may be a funny bit of news to report about, as we too enjoy joking about esteem of the school and this act, but the generalization that this counts as suffering for any of us is insulting. 

mitchryanb
mitchryanb

While many Yalies come from wealth and privilege, I take offense to the overgeneralization that all of us come from the same background, as indicated by the completely unnecessary last sentence. Half of the Yale population can only afford to attend this school because we receive such generous financial aid from the university, and Yale expends tremendous resources recruiting students from less fortunate backgrounds. Many of us are here because we had hardship in our lives that we overcame. Are we privileged to be here? Yes. But I'd like to give the author of this post a bit of advice we tend to give to each other here at Yale, check your privilege. 

SaraKahanamoku
SaraKahanamoku

I am highly disappointed in the sweeping generalizations Roy is making. Not all Yalies come from wealthy backgrounds, and most certainly all have experienced hard situations. It is both incredibly immature and ignorant to assume that because we are students at an expensive, "upper-level" university, we are pampered, sheltered children. I, personally, am on full financial aid at Yale and my family history is complicated and convoluted, to say the least--and I am not unique among my friends in my background. The vast majority of the people I have met at Yale have faced incredible odds--and that in and of itself is one of the reasons they are at this school. We are not accepted because we have not experienced suffering; we are accepted because we have, and we have triumphed over it. 

anon9876
anon9876

That last line is ridiculously unnecessary and rude. I would think that a journalist publishing on a respectable site would know better than to categorize and make baseless generalizations about a fairly sizable group of people. 

TheDavid
TheDavid

@BrianEarp Wow, you met people at Yale? ...from all walks of life? You're special!  We should all admire you. And yah, sterotypes bad....bad..bad! 

TheDavid
TheDavid

@Anonymous22  I guess you're Mom was a pretty high functioning alcoholic if she held down 3 jobs and still found time to drink.    Sounds like your sob story is a giant exaggeration.  Wave your overcoming-adversity flag some mo' why don't you?

anonymous23
anonymous23

@Anonymous22 I totally agree with your point in general, but you saying, "I guarantee that I know suffering you never will," is the exact same thing as Jessica Roy saying, "this is the first bit of suffering they've ever endured." If you're going to make a point about how one should not make assumptions about the suffering others have endured, try not to assume you've endured more suffering than whoever you're speaking to. It's poor form and you undermine your own argument.

karen127
karen127

@andrewyliao Yale is lucky to have lost you. Seriously, why do you sound so bitter? Because happy and content Yalies exist? You rejected it last April, so what are you now, 18 years old? 19? Grow up. Hopefully whichever school that you attend now teaches you how to form sound arguments that aren't dripping with misguided pathos.

Take care.

BigBoss
BigBoss

@andrewyliao

I think it's funny when people make unrelated and negative comments about things they've never experienced first hand... oh and don't take "our" word for it, just google university rankings and take a look at the statistics behind the ranking if you have trouble understanding it...

u mad bro?

#libtardedamerica
#libtardedamerica

@anon9876 

the problem with your comment is that you still consider TIME to be respectable.  they're journalistic standards/integrity are non-existent, they'd rather cover pop culture than actual news, and the writers are beyond awful. there's no such thing as respectability in american journalism anymore

inycepoo
inycepoo

@BigBoss @ThatVAGuy Bro is way mad. trolololololol.

There is a time and place and also boundaries for trolling. Jokes about class are never funny, no matter how "humorous" it was meant to be. Those who are privileged will find it funny, but those who are actually struggling to make ends meet even while attending Yale (and rest assured we are more numerous than you snobs on the Internet believe), it is highly offensive to be made a joke of.

andrewyliao
andrewyliao

@BigBoss @andrewyliao 

If you're going by university rankings, which by the way are not the be-all-end-all of choosing a college, I passed up Yale for a "better ranked college"

BigBoss
BigBoss

@andrewyliao @BigBoss 

That's fine, and I agree that statistics aren't everything. That said, those statistics are most definitely a better measure of quality than your useless ramblings about a culture you've never been a part of.

Anyways, all I'm getting at here is that you shouldn't make wild claims and judgements about things you know nothing about. It makes you sound uneducated.