‘Poopetrator’ Terrorizing Yale Laundry Room

Gird your wardrobe

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Beware the poopetrator

The bright young things at Yale chose the Ivy League so they could engage in rigorous intellectual discourse and take challenging courses meant to shape them into highly educated and cultured adults. They did not choose to attend Yale so that someone could poop all over their clothes, but the world works in mysterious ways.

The¬†Yale Daily News reports that an unknown suspect, whom some have named “the poopetrator”, has been terrorizing Yale laundry rooms by¬†surreptitiously pooping in campus dryers and subsequently ruining students’ Polo shirts and pleated khakis. The assailant–or group of assailants–has been leaving gifts in dryers throughout the month of September, an act that has caused so much alarm around the Ivy League campus that something called the “Council of Masters” is investigating whether to change laundry procedure.

Pray for the Yalies, for this is the first bit of suffering they’ve ever endured.