Captain Beany is probably exactly who you think he is: he is a man who loves Heinz baked beans so much he actually paints himself orange and changed his name to the aforementioned title worthy of all its military pomp and rank.
Captain Beany’s obsession with baked beans began when he spent 100 hours sitting in a tub full of them for charity. Photos of Beany show that he’s having the time of his life as a bean, surrounded by bean paraphernalia, posters, and decorations. According to the Mirror, he turned his apartment into the Baked Bean Museum of Excellence, which sounds like a Bill and Ted dining experience. On his time off, Beany explores other hobbies, such as working as a Bono impersonator.
No word on what exactly Chez Beany smells like, but we’re definitely not going to bet on “roses.”