Candy Crush Just Trademarked Candy

Don't say the C-word.

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Dylan's Candy Bar

Candy Crush's real candy

The super-popular smartphone game Candy Crush Saga now not only owns all your free time but your language as well. The game’s maker, the aptly named King, just had their trademark approved over the use of the word candy in video games, clothing, gambling services, amusement parks and pretty much everything else.

What’s scary about the trademark license is that they’re actually enforcing it. According to Forbes, King has sent app developers requests to remove their games if they tread too close to the Candy Crush empire. That’s what happened to Benny Hsu’s Candy Slots, which the company complained would “likely lead to customer confusion and damage our brand.”

Other things that may damage Candy Crush’s brand: the fact that candy rots teeth, the aggressive dentist lobby badmouthing sugary snacks, and the fact that the addictive game manipulates players into surrendering their money to the tune of $1 million a day.

Is it not enough for King to make real-life Candy Crush candy? Must they also charge us every time we utter their sweet, sweet name?