The 10 Heartbreak Capitals of America

Surprisingly, Vegas didn't even make the list

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Did they break up before Christmas?

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There’s no national census taken to count the heartbroken, but a research analyst looked at several different statistics and compiled a list of the top ten cities in the U.S. for heartbreak. The results are based on how long marriages last in each state, the number of dating services available to locals, how cities measure on the Gallup Well-Being index, and–of course–gonorrhea rates.

California is a hotbed for ruined romance, with three cities on the list: San Diego, Los Angeles, and Riverside apparently have love droughts (in addition to real droughts). Florida, the global epicenter for fundamentally bizarre human behavior, has Miami come in as the second-most heartbreak-filled place in the U.S.

Vegas is inexplicably absent, and good old Chicago, Ill., is apparently the number one place for shattered relationships. The City of Broad Shoulders is also the city of broken marriages and a lot of venereal disease. No wonder everyone takes solace in thick pizzas, ketchup-free hotdogs, and improv classes.

Strangely, statistics on how frequently people order adult-sized Japanese body pillows online in each city were not included in the research.

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