How Do You Like Your Governors, Tennessee? Bizarre, or Seceding?

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The mainstream media often gets accused of having a liberal bias. NewsFeed doesn’t want to get into that debate, but thought we should offer a warning: this post will make fun of two Republicans. However, we are not making fun of them because they are Republicans, we are making fun of them because they say weird things.

First up: Basil Marceaux, running a shall-we-say ‘fringe’ campaign in the Tennessee Republican gubernatorial primary. As sufferers of stage- and camera-fright ourselves, NewsFeed will not take note of Marceaux’s halting speech and uncomfortable demeanor — that truly could happen to anyone, no matter how normal! What we will note, however, is Marceaux’s platform:

1. “Recall all permits and registrations for guns. Everyone can carry guns. (If you kill someone, though, you get murdered or you go to jail.)”
2. Plant grass on any vacant lot across the state — or plant corn products that would help solve our nation’s fuel problems.
3. “Stop traffic stops,” which Marceaux’s website compares to slavery.

Marceaux’s online platform also┬ácomes out in favor of campaign-finance reform (“Let’s put all [campaign] funds in one bucket, then divide the bucket by cities, counties and state, then divide those buckets among who ever [wants] to run,”) and health care reform (“What’s Important: … Equal Health Care”). This would seem to harm his chances in the Republican primary.

With Basil Marceaux locking up the internet-video-watching demographic, the rest of the primary field has had to scramble to brand themselves as effectively. Enter Representative Zach Wamp, who on Friday appeared to be wooing the coveted secession-loving vote.

Speaking out against the federal government’s insurance mandate, Wamp told Hotline OnCall, “I hope that the American people will go to the ballot box in 2010 and 2012 so that states are not forced to consider separation from this government.”

However, yesterday Wamp wanted everyone to know he was not about to raise the Confederate Battle Flag and start whistling ‘Dixie.’

“Of course we will not secede from the union,” he told the press. “But we will also not have a governor who will cave in to Barack Obama.”

So, to recap: Wamp does not want to actually secede, he just wants to make threats about it in order to look tough. Much better.

In the interest of fairness, NewsFeed is now going to write five more posts about Alvin Greene.