The Ways Europeans Can Spot an American A Mile Away

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Studying abroad? Going on an autumn vacation? Here’s what will out you as an American to the locals.

As coastal media elites, NewsFeed is always slightly shamed to be American when visiting our eminently superior European cousins. Fortunately for us, our pals at LIFE.com have produced a, shall we say, interesting look at the numerous ways we are tipping themselves off while traveling in Europe. Now we can avoid doing all those things and pretend to be Canadian!

However, some of the list, NewsFeed admits, confuses us. Americans love to use hand sanitizer? (Is that so wrong?) Americans don’t know how to tip? (Does any tourist?) Americans talk too loud? (OK, we’ll cop to that one.)

Others are so obvious that pointing them out seems almost hacky. Americans don’t understand European geography? Americans have prurient interest in topless beaches? Americans don’t speak many other foreign languages? Yeah, OK, we’re sorry about that.

But some selections seem more influenced by bilious stereotypes than any observable phenomena. Americans love to wear American flag clothing? Really? And all Americans are obese? Come on, that hurts our feelings!

Read the full list in all its snarky glory over at LIFE.com.