To Boldly Go Where No Play Has Gone Before: A Klingon Christmas Carol

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A fan dresses as a Klingon at a Star Trek convention

Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty Images

nuqneH? qaStaH nuq? peDoghQo’ buy’ ngop (that would be Klingon for, “Hello? What’s happening? Don’t be silly. That’s great news!”)

Fear not, there is a justifiable reason why NewsFeed is suddenly talking in Star Trek‘s best-known language (and it’s not just because we scored a terrific deal at a language school). If you hadn’t already heard — and really, there can be no excuse — a theater in Chicago is staging a production of the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol, in thIngan Hol, the language of the Klingon race. Needless to say, if you haven’t heard Dickens in Klingon, you haven’t lived.

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Though originally developed in 1984 by the linguist Marc Okrand for the oh-so dire Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (FYI, all odd-numbered Trek movies suck), the natural next step has finally occurred thanks to playwrights Christopher O. Kidder and Sasha Walloch. They’ve come up with the story of, ahem,  SQuja’ (that’s Klingon for Scrooge), who is visited by a trio of holiday ghosts who show him how to regain the festive spirit in order to save sickly Tiny Tim.

For the handful of you who don’t already speak thIngan Hol, you’ll still be able to enjoy the show thanks to English supertitles. Kidder told the Wall Street Journal that, “The story of Ebeneezer Scrooge is eternal and universal. But that alone isn’t what does it. Also, Star Trek has worked its way into the fabric of American pop culture so much, that even those people who aren’t Trekkies (or, Trekkers) understand what’s going on.”

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The tagline is “Scrooge has no honor, nor any courage” and resistance is indeed futile. And in case you need to relieve yourself during the production, remember to ask, ‘oH puchpa”e’ (where is the bathroom?)