Best Of The Week: Kind of Like The Golden Globes of The Internet

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Forget the Golden Globes, these are the real awards of the week.

REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

On this lazy Saturday, let’s rewind and take a look back at the past week in news.

Chinese President Hu Jintao heads Washington. Gabrielle Giffords heads to rehab in Houston. The woman who fell into the fountain while texting…heads to her lawyer.

After some careful consideration, NewsFeed presents the best of what happened while you were at work. Just think of it as the Golden Globes of the Internet.

Best New Super-Sized Food:
The Starbucks Trenta.
The world’s largest coffee chain introduces the world’s largest coffee — even larger than the capacity of the average human stomach.

Best Sign of the Apocalypse:
The death of 200 cows in Wisconsin.
Some Christian theologians think this mass animal death suggests the end of days.

Best Extinct Species Making a Comeback:
The woolly mammoth.
A Japanese scientist says its only four years until he can bring back the dead.

Best Drink Now that Four Loko’s Off the Shelves:
Whiskey in a can.
Wanna bet how long Scottish Spirits’ eight shots of whiskey packaged like soda stays legal?

Best Government Mafia Take Down:
FBI’s biggest mob bust ever.
Over 100 mobsters were nabbed across the New York City area…just like in the movies!

Best Possible, But Not Recommended New Hobby:
Sex in space.
Although birth defects may ensue, it just comes down to how desperate you are.

Best ‘Celebrity Does Something Embarrassing’ Moment:
Natalie Portman laughing.
She may be perfect in every other way, but she laughs like a nerd.