Governments Around the World Outlaw Basic Bodily Functions

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Hopefully she's not burping in Florida after sundown.

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Before you pass gas in Malawi, you might want to wait until you are in a private area.

A new bill in the country is trying to make it against the law to fart in public in order to “mold responsible and disciple citizens.” While the legislation does include fines for more potentially dangerous actions, including carrying weapons without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, fighting in public, or deceiving witnesses and destroying evidence, some Malawi citizens are claiming the flatulence clause is going a bit too far. “How can this government criminalize the release of intestinal gases … Everyone does that, even if it’s in public or it has an accompanying sound which is boring, making it criminal is a joke of democracy,” said one person to Afrik News.

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Cutting the cheese isn’t only a offensive thing in Malawi though. According to Metromix Tampa Bay, it’s illegal to break wind in a public place after 6 PM on a Thursday. Other areas find inappropriate bodily functions legally upsetting as well. Spitting is frowned upon in Singapore warns the US Department of State, and if your child burps during a church service in Nebraska, you can be arrested.

NewsFeed’s favorite: In 2009, Ontario’s transportation minister aided in creating Canadian legislation that would fine people who were caught picking their nose while driving. Just because those you sitting behind those windows doesn’t mean we can’t see you through the glass.

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While all these things are disgusting, it’s impossible to find someone who has never accidentally committed one of these bodily faux pas in front of others. For everyone’s sake, we should try and save our disgusting noises for own homes, but if it happens, well, that’s just part of human nature. It’s embarrassing enough; you shouldn’t have to pay for it as well.