Nothing says (anti) Happy Valentine’s Day like giving that special someone a memorable dose of Chlamydia. But for lonely singles out there this 14 Feb., not to worry, now you too can now be the proud owner of one, in the shape of a cuddly stuffed animal.
With five options on offer, you can truly feel like an 18th century wench by choosing from HPV, Herpes, the Clap and even the Pox. And if you’re not satisfied with these heart burned mini-microbes, why not opt for the duct tape roses – the gift that says “not quite forever, but good enough for now”. (Read Liquor Laws Make Valentine’s Day Blue).
For those of you still hung up on that evil ex, NewsFeed recommends the dismemrable zombie. Small enough to fit in your bag, but also perfectly shaped to staple a picture of your former lover’s face. Like a voodoo doll, you can inflict pain on the zombie instead of risking a felony conviction. (Read Valentine’s Day: A Cheapskate’s Gift Guide)