Why in the World Is J.Lo Adapting Carmen Sandiego?

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Okay, gumshoes, let’s crack this case. Deadline is reporting that one of our favorite childhood characters — the shifty yet venerable Carmen Sandiego — will be immortalized on the big screen in a live-action movie version of the Where in The World is Carmen Sandiego? game. Normally that would be great news.

NewsFeed can personally recall countless hours spent watching Carmen and her thieving companions try to outwit the Chief and co., all to the tune of Rockapella’s amazing songs. If, for some reason, you weren’t as enamored with the computer game-turned-television show as we were, here’s a quick rundown of the plot: Carmen Sandiego was a former member of the ACME Detective Agency who realized her spy skills would be more profitable if she used them for thievery. So she started the Villains’ International League of Evil (yes, that would be V.I.L.E.) with an eclectic group of misfits and then proceeded to hatch plots to steal various geographical landmarks and sites. Ridiculous, yes, but it was also educational, entertaining and oh-so awesome.

(VIDEO: Carmen Sandiego Gets Social on Facebook)

But we’re worried about who is rumored to star as Carmen: the talented, yet completely miscast, Jennifer Lopez. Which would be a disaster. (There’s a reason you haven’t seen The Backup Plan.)

According to Deadline, the J. Lo as C. San rumor suggests that “Walden Media will develop the property as a vehicle for Lopez to play the title character” but she’s only officially billed as a producer for now. Which would be reassuring, but for some reason we can’t see Lopez being content as merely a producer. Also, as a mother of young twins, it would be perfectly inline with Hollywood’s mama trends for Lopez to start delving into family-friendly films.

So, unfortunately for us, it seems like this is all but inevitable. Unless the Carmen fans of the world could exercise a little craftiness of our own and start a campaign for an alternate actress (cough, Rosario Dawson, cough). Let’s make this happen, detectives.