It is a well understood fact that New York City stinks. Not in a metaphorical sense, but in an actual oh-my-God-what-is-that-smell way. But every once in a while, you round a corner and walk not into a miasma of garbage baking in the September sun, but a sensory oasis of cinnamon-scented candied goodness. It’s a veritable miracle on 34th street, or 79th street, or whatever street you happen to be on. It’s the delicious aroma of those little candied peanuts sold by street vendors.
Inevitably, you buy a bag, and rediscover a fun fact: The candied nuts sold on the streets of NYC are terrible. Their inviting odor is a cruel joke that belies a blandness so overwhelming you may not even notice if you accidentally start eating the little waxed paper bag they come in. Despite being allegedly roasted the nuts are invariably soggy, wrapped in a sugary coating good for nothing but causing tooth decay, and taste of non-corrugated cardboard. It’s the ultimate bait-and-switch, a crime against consumers far worse than the three-card monte games or stolen-appliance sales of yesteryear. Ban the nuts, City Council. We’re relying on you.
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