Trust us, it’s not just you. See our picks for the most curiously Ick!-worthy Kidz Bop songs captured on film.
5. Don’t Want To Be
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The metaphor for the Kidz Bop music video for Gavin Degraw’s “I Don’t Want to Be” veers from the utterly obvious to the completely inexplicable. Resembling nothing so much as watching Clifford the Big Red Dog while loaded on acid, the song features (child? adult?) actors in plush dog costumes, frolicking and cart wheeling in a park while learning that it’s OK to be yourself. Yeah, we don’t get it either. While the lipsyncing plush animals are really no worse than the typical Kidz Bop performer, the real takeaway from the video is that kidz and cosplay just really shouldn’t mix. – Dan Fletcher
4. So What
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It’s not the vacant robotics of the kids prancing around to this dreadful version of Pink’s “So What” that makes us squeamish, it’s the near demonic giddiness smeared across their awkward little faces while shouting, “I’m gonna start a fight!” All while inexplicably staring out at a yacht, mind you. While the Kidz embark on a day of aimless adventures that could rival an Avril Lavigne video, the three leading ladies share lip-syncing duties and the same off-key pitch, while the interaction between the girls and the lone boy resembles flirting. We think. What rock stars, huh? – Allie Townsend
3. Move Along
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plYGZeTiroA]
“Move Along,” an insipid All American Rejects track with the verb “move” in the title and lyrics about the ups and downs of life, is begging for the obvious metaphor. The result? A pint-sized lipsyncer on a roller coaster. Sure, there’s no explaining why they chose to put him on the ride entirely alone, or some of the tortured facial expressions he squeezes out while trying to maintain the requisite level of emotional gravitas as the wind whips him in the face. But the really awkward part? The dubbed over voice sounds suspiciously like someone, uh, a few changes further along the road to adulthood than the floppy-haired frontman in the video. Guess “Acne-Blemished Midpubescent Bop” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. – DF
2. Chicken Noodle Soup
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It’s puzzling why watching these children channel a dated Harlem dance craze seems so disturbing. What’s the big deal you ask? It’s only “Chicken Noodle Soup.” Perhaps it’s because what once seemed a part of hip-hop canon has been reduced to eerie kiddie chant-rock. Maybe it’s because once a piece of music has been squeezed through the Kidz Bop hit factory, it loses all credibility – an invaluable virtue in the rap world. But this we know for sure: Somewhere, Biggie is weeping. – AT
1. Kryptonite
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It’s difficult to describe how oddly uncomfortable we feel watching Kidz Bop’s “Krypotnite”, mainly because we can’t bear to look at our screens without an overwhelming sense of the heebie jeebies. Sorry kid, but the amount of sultry eye contact combined with your 3 Doors Down impression makes us feel, well, kind of dirty inside. – AT