Candwich Sandwich in a Can Does Exist — And It is Glorious

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Mark One Foods

For weeks now, NewsFeed has puzzled over rumors of the ‘Candwich’, a possibly-apocryphal sandwich that (as its name suggests) comes in a can, and (as its name does not suggest) is at the center of a real-estate scam. The product so far has only existed in publicity stills, but today, a picture of the beast has emerged.

The Candwich first came to The Internet’s attention earlier this month, when the New York Times reported that Utah money manager Travis L. Wright had allegedly taken millions of dollars from his clients and failed to put the money into high-yield real-estate investments as he had promised. Instead, he used it to invest in novelty food items, such as the Candwich. (Although, knowing today’s real-estate market, maybe the Candwich was safer! Hey-o!)

The Times report noted that the Candwich did not in fact exist yet, stating that its inventors at Mark One Foods hoped to start producing it by the end of the year. However, the evil geniuses at Best Week Ever have managed to get their hands on a picture of an actual Candwich, and it looks heavenly.

(However, we do have complaint: The publicity photos of the Candwich led us to believe that the sandwich came out of the can fully assembled. However, in the picture, it appears that one must take the sandwich’s ingredients out of the can and then assemble it oneself. This will not do. We demand convenience in our canned-goods-ingesting enterprises!)

A leaked prototype? A mock-up made by an overzealous fan? We don’t know yet. However, any day that ends with the Candwich one step closer to our mouths is a happy day in our books. In the meantime, we will content ourselves with canned cheeseburgers, while spending our days dreaming of ways to combine canned meat with the Candwich.

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