Judge to Convicted Burglar: 3 Years Probation and Also, No Dating

You do you, sir.

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For Jeffrey Hoadley, the judge had good news and he had bad news.

The good news was that rather than a prison term for a burglary he committed with accomplice Michael Larkowski, Jr., he got 36 months of probation while his buddy got sentenced to 2 to 4 years behind bars, the Norfolk Daily News reported. The bad news was that, although he won’t be sitting behind bars, he can’t do what most incarcerated people wish they could do: date.

As Hoadley and Larkowski broke into a Speedway Auto Parts store in Madison, Neb., last December, Hoadley had a change of heart and turned back. Larkowski’s went ahead, but his plans were felled by an alarm and he was quickly apprehended. Hoadley was later arrested in connection with the caper.

But his lawyer Jason Doele argued that his client needed help with a dependency on methamphetamine and marijuana and convinced Judge Mark Johnson, who felt Hoadley really did have a “moral compass,” to give him the probation sentence.

That’s when his luck ran out. Johnson also ordered that Hoadley pay a fine of $1,800 and that he have no romantic relationships during the three-year period of probation.

“You need to focus on you,” the judge remarked, a more professional version of the “you do you” mantra. Maybe Hoadley can hit an ashram, get himself centered, then wade back into the dating pool.