Forget Global Warming, the Greatest Threat to Society is the Impending Velveeta Shortage

The Super Bowl just won’t be the same.

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First it was turkeys before Thanksgiving. Then it was Sriracha. Now another food shortage is coming, and this time it’s your favorite processed cheese product: Velveeta. Yes, the gelatinous sludge that serves as the fluorescent yellow glue for your favorite dips and mac and cheese.

Kraft spokeswoman Jody Moore tells Ad Age that “it is possible consumers may not be able to find their favorite product on store shelves over the next couple of weeks.” The magazine says it contacted Kraft Foods Group after several East Coast grocery stories reported shortages of the unctuous product.

Before you start to melt down, let’s consider the facts about this grave situation. It’s football season — in fact, the Super Bowl is less than a month away — so people are constantly snacking, which could explain why this chemical marvel is scarce.

However, there’s reason to believe that we might be churning ourselves into a frenzy for no reason. CBS News points out that that some think the shortage could be perpetuated by the brand itself. Or it could always be the hype-crazy media. Who could forget the Aporkalypse that wasn’t?

Until this national crisis is resolved, there’s always Easy Cheese.

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