The 5 Most Ridiculous Things About Snooki’s New Novel

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The cover of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's novel.

Aside from the fact that Snooki wrote a novel.

In yet another example that publishers will let anyone write a book, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, the pint-sized, self-titled “guidette” of Jersey Shore fame, has just released a novel called A Shore Thing. In a major narrative stretch for Polizzi, the plot revolves around two Italian-American young women who party in Seaside Heights, N.J. Here are the most insane things about the book’s publicity page.

(See the top 10 reality TV moments of 2010.)

  1. In Snooki’s world, calling someone a “gorilla” is a compliment. “Finally free of her bonehead ex-boyfriend, [Bella] left home in Brooklyn with one goal in mind: hooking up with a sexy gorilla for a no-strings-attached summer fling.”
  2. For some reason, MTV neglected to include fried Oreos on the first season of Jersey Shore. “[The girls] soak up all that Seaside Heights, New Jersey, has to offer: hot guidos, cool clubs, fried Oreos, and lots of tequila.”
  3. Snooki, on video, discusses what you were probably thinking already. “My castmates are very surprised that I’m an author, ’cause they didn’t even know that I read books. But like I said on Ellen, I can go to frickin’ Barnes and Nobles, sit down, get a coffee and read a book.”
  4. The novel is just another part of the Snooki empire. And it’s not going away soon. “After I’m done with Jersey Shore, I definitely want to have my own show, maybe even a talk show, definitely maybe a spinoff or something. [I] definitely want to have more books.”
  5. The book costs $24. Instead of lunch for the next two days (three, if you’re thrifty), consider purchasing a probably-ghostwritten novel about guidettes at the Jersey Shore. A perfectly reasonable purchasing decision.

If anything, A Shore Thing is proof that the fist-pumping guidos of Jersey Shore keep stretching their 15 minutes of fame. Pauly D has a spinoff, The Situation was on Dancing with the Stars, and Snooki is taking over the world. Aspiring novelists of the world, take note — have reality show, will get book deal.

(More on NewsFeed: Why Did Pauly D Get Jersey Shore‘s First Spinoff Show?)