Reading While Eating for Apr. 12: Basebrawl!

In today's must-read links for your lunch break: John Kerry warns North Korea, a look at Kobe Bryant's failed rap career and everything you need to know about cicadas.

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Carlos Quentin of the San Diego Padres slams into Zack Greinke of the Los Angeles Dodgers as he charges the mound during the sixth inning at Petco Park on April 11 in San Diego, California.

Yer Outta Here: The first major fight of the 2013 season broke out last night after the Dodgers’ Zach Grienke drilled the Padres’ Carlos Quentin with a pitch. (Grienke and Quentin have a bit of history, but then again, Quentin has a bit of history with everybody.) Quentin charged the mound, breaking Grienke’s collarbone in the process, and then Grienke’s teammate Matt Kemp confronted Quentin in the parking lot after the game. The two teams meet again on Monday. (Deadspin)

John Kerry Has Some Real Talk for Kim Jong Un. The U.S. Secretary of State issued a strong rebuke of the North Korean leader’s posturing, saying that — spoiler alert — the U.S. would totally kick North Korea’s ass if the two nations actually went to war.  (Washington Post)

Everything You Need to Know About Cicadas. The buzzing bugs are set to invade the East Coast later this spring for the first time in 17 years. If you don’t live along the eastern seaboard, feel free to engage in a bit of geographical schadenfreude. (Gizmodo)

Louis C.K. Did a Reddit AMA. And he also has a comedy special airing Saturday on HBO, so be sure to queue up your DVRs. He’s funny. (Reddit via Warming Glow)

A Look Back at the Career of Mo Rivera. The Yankees closer has returned for one final season in pinstripes following last year’s season-ending ACL tear. (Keeping Score)

The Craziest Advice From Famous People. Benjamin Franklin and Snooki appear on adjacent slides, soooooo… yeah. (Flavorwire)

What’s the Real Origin of “OK”? Apparently it got its start way back in 1839, and as with most things of this sort, Martin Van Buren is at least partly to blame. (mental_floss)

Kal Penn to Host Discovery Channel Show. The actor-turned-White House liaison-turned-actor-turned-etc. will search for America’s next great innovator on “The Big Brain Theory.” (Divanee)

Scrolldown Fug: Apparently, this is when an outfit starts out good, but then as you look down, it gets not good. Example A: Julianne Hough. (Go Fug Yourself)

A Lamborghini Police Car Exists. In Dubai, naturally. It can reach a top speed of 217 m.p.h. (which you can totally reach since it’s a police car) and has a price tage of more than half a million dollars. Plus it can help you arrest people. (The Daily What)

Did You Know that Kobe Bryant Had a Failed Rap Career? Because he totally did. This longread has all the details. (Grantland)

The Simpsons Did a Breaking Bad couch gag. And it’s as excellent as you’ve always imagined it would be. (YouTube via BuzzFeed)