The Diarrhea Defense: Woman Blames Bowel Movement For Hit-and-Run

"I just had no choice because I’d had diarrhea"

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A 92-year-old Arizona woman cited Saturday for striking a jogger with her car has mounted what one might call a crappy defense. Persis Draper, of Oro Valley, Ariz., told police she only fled the crime scene because she had uncontrollable diarrhea.

Draper said she experienced digestion woes earlier that day, and had another episode after she hit a 43-year-old female jogger with her car. “The diarrhea started up again after the accident happened. I was going to stop, but then the diarrhea came and I didn’t stop,” Draper told the Arizona Daily Star. Draper said she returned less than 45 minutes later, but nobody was there (because they were at the hospital). Another driver witnessed the incident and followed Draper home, giving police her license plate number.

The hospital admitted the jogger with non-life-threatening injuries. Excrement violently exiting the body may not be a convincing exigent circumstance, but Draper will not face jail time for her decision. She is charged with misdemeanor and civil offenses.

Draper expressed regret about the incident, but told reporters there was nothing she could do. “I just had no choice because I’d had diarrhea,” she said.

Here’s hoping this is all a bizarre viral marketing ploy by Depends.