The use of the ’80s sitcom’s theme song helps tremendously.
Man Robs Pharmacy with HIV-Infected Blood
Police say Benjamin Blessing made off with $27,000 in prescription drugs after threatening to stab a pharmacist with a hypodermic.
Christy Turlington Burns Declares War on Mother’s Day
The supermodel and mom of two talks to TIME about why she wants to start ‘No Mother’s Day’ instead.
The Force Is So Not With ‘Obiwan Kenobi’ Right Now
A California man charged in a hit-and-run is learning that the price of fandom can be Internet infamy.
Name Change: Fig Newtons Are Now Just Newtons
Turns out people really do give a fig about the century-old snack brand.
Gunman in Arizona Murder-Suicide Believed to Be Far Right Extremist
J.T. Ready, a militia leader who advocated deadly force against illegal immigrants, is believed to have killed four others over a domestic dispute before he shot himself to death.
Reading While Eating for May 3: Further Reading
In today’s lunchtime reading: libraries, more libraries and the worst people on the Internet. (Not you.)
Buy a Brick from Osama bin Laden’s House for a Nickel
Meet the Abbottabad entrepreneur who’s selling off the rubble from the Al Qaeda leader’s demolished compound.
Pop Chips Pulls Offensive Ashton Kutcher Ad
The potato chip company has deleted a clip that featured the actor in brown-face makeup, pretending to be a Bollywood producer named ‘Raj’.
California Student Abandoned in DEA Cell for Four Days, Drinks Own Urine to Survive
Daniel Chong said agents locked him in a holding cell with no food or water — and then forgot about him.
Remembering Ex-NFL Star Junior Seau: 1969-2012
We may never know what dark thoughts drove one of the NFL’s most respected defensive players to commit suicide at age 43.
Watch: Dog’s Owner Returns From War
A faithful pet is surprised when his owner, a returning soldier, makes a sudden appearance